Caleb Shomo opens up about coming out + childhood repression

bear tooth leader Caleb Shomo Now he talks about his religious upbringing, the inherited perceptions about being gay that accompanied it, and the barriers it caused on his path to leaving last month.

The singer was a guest at the disrespectfully podcast with hosts Katie Maloney and Dayna Kathan where he delved into his struggle for identity from early childhood to the present day.

Throughout the podcast, Shomo discussed his religious upbringing and how being gay was considered a “disease” growing up. He also addressed the peer pressure he faced as a child, revealing his true self on Beartooth’s next album. Pure ecstasy and coping mechanisms he turned to as he struggled to know and understand his sexuality.

Caleb Shomo talks about his religious upbringing

Within the chat, the Beartooth frontman spoke about being raised in a deeply religious family as “the son of a preacher who is the son of a preacher” and his mother, a nurse who came from a religious family. His parents fell in love while he was attending a Christian college and Shomo made it clear from the beginning that he loves his parents and felt that they were doing the best they could, but that the teachings of Christianity conflicted with what he was going through and, as a result, instilled in him some negative perceptions of being gay.

“Essentially, with Christianity, you dedicate your life to Jesus and then on the more southern side of Christianity, where I come from, it’s more about serving people. And for me, well, I have no self-esteem, no self-love, no reason to be here other than serving other people, loving other people, and following the manual. So that’s a tough place to start, especially being gay,” he shared.

The singer says he was taught to think that being gay was “a disease that can be cured with prayer,” adding, “And probably even more damaging than that upbringing was being involved in a music scene in that really wild Christian era of the mid-to-late 2000s that I grew up in, along with, like, under oath and stuff, which at the time I was very Christian and very evangelical and intense and I was involved in this music scene where I was 14 when I came into the scene, hanging out with a lot of older people who are very devout evangelical Christians and I was a Christian myself.”

READ MORE: 10 rock + metal bands that started out as Christians but are no longer Christian

Within the discussion, he recalled an incident when he was just 16 years old in which he joined a group of people who were “trying to pray that one of our crew members would come out of homosexuality.” “I just say, ‘Okay, this is it. This is true.’ And it was so fucking traumatizing. It was terrifying,” he recalled.

The singer also remembers being raised in such a way that he never had platonic relationships with women. Their religious upbringing dictated that there would be no sex before marriage or you would go to hell.

“People court each other from a very young age without understanding themselves very much and just follow the model. And I never had any relationships with women, at all. So that was also very confusing. I was doing the best I could and just trying to follow the path and yeah, there are so many things I didn’t understand about myself,” the singer said.

Caleb Shomo on peer pressure and embracing your feminine side

in it disrespectfully In the podcast, Shomo also recalled a specific memory in which peer pressure collided with his own personal choice of expression.

“My first core memory that I recognize is that it was when I was probably six or seven years old and my mom and my older brother…we were in this department store and there were these cheap rings and we thought they were really cool. And my mom was like, ‘Okay, you guys can get one.’ And he picked out a boy’s ring and I picked out a girl’s ring. And he said, ‘You know that’s a girl’s ring.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, I don’t know.’ I just love it,” the singer recalled.

“It was half silver, half gold and it had a diamond in the middle. I loved it and I loved the way it made me feel. And I wore it all day and then I remember the next day on the bus the kids ridiculed me… I got scared and I didn’t really know what was going on and I threw it out the window.” It was like, ‘Fuck, don’t do that.’ Whatever it is, let’s keep it away,'” he concluded.

“For me, what it was, was this very strong feminine side that I have, but it’s just not the vibe in Ohio in the Christian world. And then, growing up, the older you get and then hanging out with a lot of older people and just conversations that constantly remind you how fucking weird it is to be gay or do anything remotely gay or feminine. So that feeling that I had, which I now understand was my sexuality, I just saw it and compartmentalized it as just self-hatred. It’s this thing that’s bad about me and, it’s well, you fight this with all your might and that’s the right thing to do, you pray about it,” he shared.

How did Caleb Shomo face the fight against his sexuality?

Within the discussion, the singer painfully revealed the way in which he tried to repress his sexuality. He detailed having suicidal thoughts as a way to reject the idea whenever he had thoughts that led him to question his sexual identity and revealed a growing dependence on alcohol as a coping mechanism in his 20s.

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline website. Resource information is provided free of charge, as well as a chat messaging service. To speak directly with a professional, call 1-800-273-8255. You are not alone and help is available. Every life is important.

Help for drug and/or alcohol dependency is available through the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website. To speak to someone by phone, dial 1-800-622-HELP (1-800-622-4357) or text 1-800-487-4889.

Now, Shomo is looking forward to the release of Beartooth. Pure ecstasyan album in which he finds his current self. And to get there, producer Jordan Fish encouraged him to open up lyrically, rather than hide behind vague terms.

Listen to the full episode of disrespectfully podcast below.

Beartooth’s Caleb Shomo guests on disrespectfully With Katie Maloney + Dayna Kathan

What Caleb Shomo previously said about coming out as gay

At the end of May, Shomo came out publicly as gay. The singer addressed the matter in a statement.

“I am a proudly gay man,” he declared. “This is something I have been analyzing and considering in my life for quite some time. It has been difficult to navigate the feelings surrounding the topic and figure out what to do with this fact.

“When it comes to my art/Beartooth, I’ve always strived to pursue who I am deep in my soul from album to album. As you can tell if you’ve followed the band in the early years, there are 4 very self-deprecating albums about exploring my religious upbringing, depression, self-loathing, self-loathing, and hopelessness. I’m grateful for all of these albums, but sometimes I feel ashamed for not allowing myself to really dig up the roots for so long.”

Shome said that coming out cleared “a direct path to coming to terms with my sexuality in the hopes that it will eventually lead me to experience self-love” and “I’m trying to finally be proud of who I am and I think this is a huge part of that journey.”

READ MORE: Caleb Shomo’s wife comments on his sexuality and relationship

“To those who have shown me love and empowerment by living life freely and openly in my presence, supporting the queer community or simply telling me that you love me whoever I am, I will always be indebted to you and I hope you know what you mean to me,” he concluded. “I encourage anyone who is struggling with who they are to give themselves grace. Be patient. Be honest with yourself. Do the hard work instead of burying it as deep as you physically can thinking you will change like I did. Holding on to these things will only hurt you and those around you. I love you all and hope this is a step in the right direction to loving myself one day.”

Below, take a look at some of rock and metal’s LGBTQIA+ icons.