This week my daughter turned ten years old and two things occurred to me: One, how the hell do I have a 10 year old girl? Will a real adult show up and help with this soon? And two: there are so many things I want to tell you now before you come in. high school attack and too cool to listen to.
When she is an adult, I want her to remember her childhood and see the old lessons I taught her, and know that her mother was there to help her prepare. Although you may not have liked parts of the growing process, the results were fantastic.
Old-fashioned life lessons that people with amazing parents grew up learning:
1. Everything will turn out well in the end
And if it’s not right, it’s not the end. We’ve been through some tough times and you’ll go through a lot of tough times on your own, but it’s worth it. Going through difficult things strengthens character and teaches you compassion.
I can trace some of the best things in my life right now to things that were difficult when I was going through them. So when things seem impossible, or like you’ll never feel better, know that eventually you’ll look back at them in wonder. Everything will be fine.
2. Face your feelings instead of running away from them
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You’re going to try things; I’m fine with that. Most of us do it, whether it’s smoking a cigarette from a friend you think is cooler than you, getting drunk at a party, or smoking weed because it seems like everyone else except you is doing it.
But here’s the thing: all of that is just another way of not being present and numbing your feelings. But here’s the thing: being present, feeling your feelings, and being aware of what’s happening is pretty amazing. When you try to push away those feelings of not being okay with alcohol or drugs (or food or shopping or fatalistic videos), they don’t go away.
Eventually, you will have to deal with them and life gets exponentially better when you do. (And as a side note, if things get out of hand and you’re not sure what to do, call me. And if you’re too embarrassed to call me, call your awesome Uncle Charles.)
3. Discover what you love and make it yours completely
If you spend your life trying to define yourself by what someone else loves, you will be miserable. Try things, try everything. See what listening to music does to you inside you and what makes your heart swell, and then do it. Find out everything you can about it. Find other people who like it too.
If you waste time pretending to like something because other people you think do, you’ll end up with the wrong people in your life. Love what you love and be yourself. You end up finding people, your people, who really fit that way.
4. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes
We cannot do anything valuable without making mistakes. Not a painting, not a relationship, not a career, not a life. If you wait until you have everything figured out to try it, you will be waiting forever. I still don’t have it all figured out, but I’m sticking with it. Mistakes are not failures; That’s how we learn.
“Our failures create the stairs that lead to success. No one in history set out to do something amazing and then did it,” he warned. Life Coach Erika Jordan. “There was endless trial and error. Failure is not a destiny. It’s a stepping stone.”
5. You deserve respect
You deserve it from me, from your dad, from your friends, from your teachers, from everyone in your life. The best way to receive respect from others is to start by respecting yourself. Speak clearly and keep your head up. Stand up for what you believe. Make decisions you feel good about.
And if someone in your life is being disrespectful, call them out. If they don’t change, limit the amount of time and influence they have on your life. We need people in our lives who challenge us and disagree with us, so we can learn new perspectives. We don’t need people who don’t respect us constantly tearing us down.
6. Love yourself first
The first person who catches your eye is not “the one,” and probably neither is the second, third, or fourth. Do you know why? It’s because you’re the one. Love is not something that is out there and that someone else can give you. It’s already inside you.
It is that golden part of each of us that gives us life. Some of the best moments in life are when we truly connect with another person and share with them the love we have inside, but never forget to love yourself first.
When you start by loving and respecting yourself, It makes giving that to other people infinitely better. You are going to meet so many amazing people in your life and I hope that at least once you meet someone to share that love with and find a true relationship. Before you do, fall in love with your own life, because no one else can do it for you.
7. Romance and love are not the same
Iryna Studenets / Unsplash
Physical intimacy with someone you love is a wonderful thing. It’s not the only thing either. You’re going to have first kisses that you feel all the way to your toes and you’ll think “Oh my God, I love them,” but you really loved the kiss. You’re going to see someone and feel something that feels like movie love. but it’s just phenomenal chemistry.
“Chemistry can fool you because that’s where the love/addict gene is stored,” he explained. psychotherapist Joan E. Childs. “Each neuron in your brain has hard-working receptors on its surface that send and receive messages using molecules called neurotransmitters. The receptors are involved in tolerance, codependency, and addiction. So, it’s not that you fall in love; it’s your receptors that make that decision.”
You’re going to explore this part of your life with people who won’t be in it for long, and that’s not a bad thing. Life is a series of stories and the way our stories intersect is fascinating. Sometimes people are in our lives throughout the story; sometimes they are just one chapter. It takes a brave person to know when that chapter is over and let it go gracefully.
8. Kindness is always an appropriate response
When you are an adult, you will forget many of the things that seemed so important in high school and college. You won’t remember what your GPA was. You’ll look at your old classmates on Instagram and wonder why you ever fell in love with that girl.
You’ll look at your old yearbooks and wonder what you were thinking with that haircut. But you will never forget the genuinely kind people who helped you when you were hurt, who loved you even when you felt unlovable. Be that person for your friends.
9. Nobody has all the answers
Right now, you think I have all the answers. I know a while will come to an end pretty quickly here, but in a way, I’m glad. One of the greatest gifts my parents gave me was not their wisdom, but setting an example that adults are not static: they continue to grow. They keep learning. When they find one way that doesn’t work, they get up and try another.
True maturity is letting go of what doesn’t work and being open to trying something else. You will make your own mistakes and find your answers, and while you figure it out, I will always be here to listen to you.
10. It’s never too late for a life that makes you proud
If you learn nothing else from me, learn this: There is no age limit for changing course, and adapting and getting stuck in a life that is not authentic is a tragic waste.
We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the most of it. And I hope you see things that surprise you. I hope you feel things you’ve never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you are proud of.
If you discover that this is not the case, I hope you dare to start again. I love you. Go make brilliant mistakes and fall in love with your life.
Kate Bartolotta is a freelance writer and author who has been featured on The Huffington Post, Be You Media Group, Yoga International, Thought Catalog, The Tattooed Buddha, a Beauty Full Mind, Elephant Journal, and more.
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